Now,before somebody gits thar overalls in a bunch (meaning offended to you flatlanders) ,I,too, am a true blue hillbilly.But, despite the Hollywood stereotype of mountain people in Appalachia, we possessed one of the truest forms of language of English origin.While America combined nationalities and little by little changed their language styles, the very isolation of the mountains, kept the language from one generation to the other.
The English who first came to Appalachia were the neighbors of William Shakespeare and Paul Bunyan.Instead of mountain English being bad English it is in reality older in its forms and vocabulary and ,in that sense, a purer English.The old way of speaking is almost gone now ,and it is sad to see another way of life go the way of so many things.

Note: I learned this bit of wisdom from "The Tennessee Hillbilly "    http://www.public.usit.net/oldman/mounteer.html
Sorry, I'm not linked to this page.
 

So,Hillbillies, listen up.Hollywood can't take away the proud heritage of your language.Now,,just who's"ignert"?
 
 

Imagination was given man to compensate for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Now,let's have some fun

 Addled---confused

Afar--something is on fire

Ah heard that----I agree

Ahr-- possessive noun (our)

Aim to--intends to

Ain't---are not, am not

Amerikin--American

Am--I am

Arncha--Aren't you

Ary--not any---"Not nary a one"

Awfullest--the worst

Badmouth--to talk bad about

Bag--Beg

Bar--Bear

Baws---employer

Brung--Brought

Byganny goes--To stress a point

Cawse---because

Chunk----to throw

Clone---perfume, good smelling stuff

Contrary---stubborn or opposite- - -"Contrary to your story"

Counter warps-- canned biscuits(Cathie Cardwell writes that "you  gotta warp'em on the counter top to open 'em.Thanks,Cathie.

Crik--Creek

Cuz--Cousin or because

Daints---dance

Didja--Did you

Doodley-squat--doesn't amount to much

Dreckly--Directly

Diduhnit--Didn't it

Dope--Carbonated drink

Ersoften--Every so often

Fer--far or for

Fer piece--Distant

Fetchin'---attractive,, very becoming

Fixin'--Getting ready to

Foolin' 'round---nothing to do with sex  --just goofin' off

Furner--Foreigner

Gonna--Going to

Got a good notion---statement of intent

Git--Get

Grain of sense---degree of intelligence

Haint--Haunt or ghost

Hidee--Hello

His cornbread ain't done-- meaning he is a little 'touched', you know, in the head.(thanks for the new addition to :Reford and Debbie--

Hissy--temper tantrum

Hitch--cramp or lameness(hitch in your gitalong)

Hush your mouth---pleased embarrassment

Ill--disagreeable, (He has an ill temper)

I'll swanee--I swear

Iont--I don't

Juice--Electricity

Kain't--Cannot

Kin---related

Klect---to receive money owed to you

Lans-sake--Exclamation
 

Larapin--tasty

Lawdy--Exclamation

Layin' up---restin' your tired bones

Let out---dismissed--"School is let out for the day"

Lightning bug---firefly

Lick and a promise---do a job hurriedly

Lickered up---drunk

Matoes--Tomatoes

Mess--a person who jokes around or a portion of food, such as a "mess of greens".

Mind to---intends to do something; "I've got a mind to tell on you".

Minnit--Minute

Moaning--start of the day; morning

Nemmine--nevermind, don't bother

Oer yonner--Over there

Of a moanin'--morning

Ownliest---the only one

Painter--Panther

Persnickety--prissy acting,being petulant

Pert----perky or near--"Pert near dinner time"

Pichur--Pitcher or picture

Pick at---to tease someone

Piece goods--material ,sewing material  for garment

Playin' Possum---faking, pretending ( a possum will fall over like it's dead when cornered.

Poke--Polk salad or paper bag

Pop--Sodas of any kind

Pon--Upon

Privy--Outdoor toilet

Purt nigh---nearly, "it's purt nigh time to go"

Quair--strange, odd--"That guy sure acts quair".

Ranch---a tool, wrench

Receipt--recipe

Retard---no longer employed

Rilly--Really

Satchel bag--purse,or suitcase

Shainteer--absence of female--"She ain't here".

Shindig---a dance or celebration

Shine--Moonshine (liquor)

Shore--Sure

Shucky dern--exclamation (from Reford and Debbie)

Snipe huntin'--an unsuspecting stranger is taken along on a night hunting trip for a bird that doesn't exist.He's left holding this burlap bag and told to wait until the other men flush the birds out.The stranger finds himself looking like a fool after about the first hour 'cause he's out there all alone.Eventually, the mountain men would retrieve him,slap him on the back and offer him a taste of 'shine in friendship.

Southern Samsonite--paper bag or cardboard box to carry clothes

Spell--period of time

Stain---opposite of leaving (Are you stain' for supper?)

Sumpin'--something,"Sumpins goin' on"

Take on--act in an emotional manner

Tal---what you dry off with after bathing

Taters--potatoes

Tater trap--mouth

Tawt--to teach, instruct

Teched--touched--(rhymes with "fetched")

Thank---think

That old dawg don't hunt no more--that will not work

Toe-sayin' goes--The old saying goes

Tonic -- Another term for moonshine

Tore up---upset, emotional

Trade--To go shopping

Unbeknownst--lacking knowledge of, unaware of

Usta--used to

Vaymuch--very much---"I don't like this vaymuch"

Vittles--food

Wars--wire that carries power , like telephone "wars"

Wear Out---to spank a little kid who is pushing their luck

Wender---a pane of glass to look out of---"Wender panes"

Whilst--while,meanwhile

Ya'll--You, all of you, everyone

Yonder--There

Yontto--Do you want to

 Yungins---also spelled younguns, meaning young ones, children

Zit---Is it

Mountain way of expressin' a point

So dull he couldn't cut hot butter with   a knife.	Crazier than a run over dog.
Tougher than a one-eard alley cat.	One sandwich shy of a picnic.
Ran like a scaled dog.	Rough as a cob.
Scarce as hen's teeth.	Purty as a speckled pup.
Crookeder 'than a dog's hind leg    (from Redford and Debbie)	No bigger than a 'tater bug.
Plumb tuckered out.	Silly as a goose.
As loose as a goose.	What do you mean "we"?You got a mouse in your pocket?
Rode hard and put up wet.	Higher than a Georgia pine. (drunk)
All over him like a cheap suit.	"Can't never could do nothin.
If wishes were horses,then beggars would ride.	Cussed like a sailor.
Howled like a banshee.	Strutted like a rooster.
Brayed like a mule	Highwater britches.
Colder than a welldigger's behind.	Hitch in his get along.
A sandwich shy of a picnic.	Ugly as a mud fence.
As mean as a grizz. (grizzlybear)	Blind drunk.
Faster than greased lightnin'.	As nosy as a pet 'coon.

This page was gittin' pert nigh full so we sashayed around and made Terms 2 .When you yahoos finish this bunch,come on over to see our latest bunch of mountainisms.

You might be a Redneck if:

•  If the entire police force of your town knows you on a first name basis.
• If you think claustrophobic means a fear of Santa Claus.
• If you have a 'reserved' cell at the police station.
• If you've ever tried to marry a judge just to get out of paying a traffic ticket.
•  If you think a blood alcohol test is used to make sure there isn't any blood in your case of beer
• You think going formal is wearing your good overalls.
• You own the big truck that transports trailer homes.
• Your mobile home still has the flags and signs that say "Wide Load."
• Your home grown vegetables are grown on your kitchen window sill.
• Your dog has it's own place setting at the dinner table.
• You claim your pets as dependents on your income tax.
• Everyday at your house is a family reunion.
• You have your own dog kennel in your back yard.
• You've found every one of your pets.
• You've ever tied a leash on a grasshopper.
• The most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle".
• Your  coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
• You call rust a quality paint job.
• Someone yells hoe-down and your girlfriend hits the floor
• You stare at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate.
• Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
• You brush your tooth less than you comb your eyebrow.
• You only know one foreign city, Copenhagen.
• You've ever used the scope on your huntin' rifle to locate your kids.

• There is a stuffed possum anywhere in  your house.
• You own a homemade fur coat.
• You've totaled every car you ever owned
• The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
• Fewer than half your cars run.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling monkeys.
• Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes 4 relatives to figure out how to fix it.
• Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
• The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
• Your family tree does not fork.
• You wife's hairdo attracts bees.
• You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in".
• Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
• None of your shirts cover your stomach.
• The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
• You use the term "over yonder" more than once a month.
• Bikers back down from your mom.
• You were shooting pool when your kids were born.
• You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
• You think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
• You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
• You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
• You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
• Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
• You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
• You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• You look upon a family reunion as a chance to me "Ms. Right".
• In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
• Someone asks to see your ID and you show your belt buckle.
• Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
• Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
• Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
• Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
• You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• You've never paid for a haircut.
• You think the Mountain men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".
• You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
• You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
• Your screendoor has no screen.
• You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
• You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
• When a sign says "No to Crack", it reminds you to pull up your pants.
• You've ever hit a deer--deliberately.
• Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
• Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
• Taking your wife on a cruise means circling Dairy Queen.
• Your secret family recipe is illegal.
• Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
• Your birth announcement included the word "rugrat".
• You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
• Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
• Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
• You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
• You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
• A full grown ostrich has less feathers than your cowboy hat.
• Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
• You list your parole officer as a reference.
• You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
• You have spent more on your pickup truck than your education.
• Your kid takes a siphon hose to "show and tell".
• You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe it.
• You're a lite beer drinker because you start drinking when it gets light.
• Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
• You think people who sendout graduation announcements are show-offs.
• Your four year old is a member of the NRA.
• In tough situations, you ask yourself "What would Curly do?"
• You've ever held someone up with a caulking gun.
• Your parakeet know the phrase, "Police. Open up".
• You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are, "Play ball".
• The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
• You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic event.
• You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
• You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a "freak of nature".
• Your boat has not left the yard in 15 years.
• You've ever shot someone for looking at you.
• Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
• You've ever been too drunk to fish.
• You've ever sprayed your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
• Your kids are hungry because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
• You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
• The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
• You know at least six different ways to bend the brim of a baseball cap.
• It's easier to spray weedkiller on your lawn than to mow it. 

  ---

The monitor is up on blocks.

Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

The 6 front keys have rotted out.

The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts in them.

The numeric keypad only goes up to 6.

The password is "Bubba".

There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM Drive.

The keyboard is camouflaged.

And the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a
computer is:
The mouse is referred to as a "critter"

Redneck's Computer Lingo:

    LOG ON :  Making the woodstove hotter

    LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood

    MONITOR: Keepin an eye on that woodstove

    DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood ofn the truck

    MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin that farwood downloaded.

    FLOPPY DISK: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood

    RAM: That thar thang whut splits the farwood

    HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter taim

    PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter taim

    WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it gits cold outside

    SCREEN: Whut to shut when its black fly season.

    BYTE: Whut them dang flies do.

    CHIP: Munchies fer the TV

    MICRO CHIP: Whuts left in the munchie bag

    INFRARED: Where the leftover munchies go---Fred eats 'em

    MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields

    DOT MATRIX: Ole Dan Matrix's wife

    LAP TOP: Whur the kitty sleeps

    KEYBOARD: Whur ya hang the dang keys

    SOFTWEAR:   Them dang plastik forks and knifs
    MOUSE:   What eats the grain in the barn

    MAIN FRAME:   Holds up the barn roof

    PORT:   Fancy Flatlander wine

    ENTER:   Northern fer "c'mon in, y'all"

    RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY:   When ya cain't member whut ya paid fer yer new used truck.
 
 

  September 26,1998   Contributed by ;

                                               THANKS!  TRISH

     Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

     Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.

     When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

     A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.

     For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
 
 

                            - Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions -

     Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.

     Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

     Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.

     It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

     Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered
     tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

     The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if
     other people are around.

     Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

     Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded
     and the deer is in sight.

     When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
     always has the right of way.

     Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

     When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
     ask her to bring back beer.

     Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

     Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

     Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

     We don't keep firearms in this house.

     Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

     You can't feed that to the dog.

     I thought Graceland was tacky.

     No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

     Wrasslin's fake.

     Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

     We're vegetarians.

     Do you think my hair is too big?

     I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

     Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

     Who's Richard Petty?

     Give me the smaller bag of pork rinds.

     Deer heads detract from the decor.

     Spitting is such a nasty habit.

     I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

     Trim the fat off that steak.

     Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

     The tires on that truck are too big.

     I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

     I've got it all on a floppy disk.

     Unsweetened tea tastes better.

     Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

     My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

     I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

     Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

     Checkmate.

     She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

     Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

     Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

     I don't have a favorite college team.

     I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

     Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

     Elvis who?

     Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

     That's o.k., we don't need any gravy.

     Take that pink flamingo ornament off the lawn, are you crazy; what would the neighbors think?

     We can't possibly use another black velvet Jesus or Elvis portrait at this house.

     What in the world are Chester and Thelma Mae going to do with 20 pounds of deer bologna?

     Don't put the old refrigerator on the front porch; it looks tacky.

     Can you believe Delmas and Bobbi Sue are burning trash? It's bad for the environment!

     Can we do boneless chicken breasts in Marsala Wine Sauce tonight?I'm tired of fried.

    Let's get the huntin' dogs spayed.

    Where's the nearest Midas Muffler Shop?
 
 
 

Top Ten Signs You're At A Redneck Wedding.... 1.And the number one way to tell if you're at a Redneck Wedding....   Sign in front of church----Shirt...No Shoes...No Problem.... 2. Plans for the Honeymoon include Tickets the Monster Truck Show. 3.Snack Tray at Reception: Vienna Sausage and Nacho Cheese Doritos. 4.Reception Conversation includes:the phrase,   "So, what have you been doing since Hee Haw, Mr. Lindsey?" 5.When the Minister asks , Who Giveth This Woman to be Married.....     Some guy in the back stands up and yells,     " EARNHARDT "......  6.Tender Rendition of " The Wedding Song"  : Performed BY Pinkard & Bowden..... 7. Phrase " I Do" .....Replaced By   "  I Heard That"... 8. Bridesmaids:   Pink Tube Tops---- Bridegrooms:  Travis Tritt T-Shirts.. 9.  Instead of " Friends of the Bride Or of the Groom? Ushers ask " Ford or Chevy?  10.  Rehearsal Dinner is Held at Hooters......

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive.  Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 p.m.; Others might say "Monday."  If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

 Now I know there are a lot I have missed so please send me your favorite sayings and I'll gladly add them! Start flapping them gums and let me know what you think.(Now be nice!)

Help!There was a computer problem recently that made it necessary for me to use a back up of this page.Unfortunately,some new contributors hadn't been entered.If you see this,we'd sure appreciate hearing from you again so that we may post your contributions.We appreciate hearing from you at  My Front Porch . trish