We must be slippin'--so far we only made one southerner really mad.Said they derned sure didn't talk this a-way.We replied,"Shore nuff?"
|So dull he couldn't cut hot butter with a knife.||Crazier than a run over dog.|
|Tougher than a one-eared alley cat.||One sandwich shy of a picnic.|
|Ran like a scalded dog.||Rough as a cob.|
|Scarce as hen's teeth.||Purty as a speckled pup.|
'than a dog's hind leg
(from Redford and Debbie)
|Don't git above your raisin'.|
|Plumb tuckered out.||Silly as a goose.|
|As loose as a goose.||What do you mean "we"?You got a mouse in your pocket?|
|Rode hard and put up wet.||Higher than a Georgia pine. (drunk)|
|All over him like a cheap suit.||"Can't never could do nothin.|
|If wishes were horses,then beggars would ride.||Cussed like a sailor.|
|Howled like a banshee.||Strutted like a rooster.|
|Brayed like a mule||Highwater britches.|
|Colder than a welldigger's behind.||Hitch in his get along.|
|A sandwich shy of a picnic.||Ugly as a mud fence.|
|As mean as a grizz. (grizzlybear)||Blind drunk.|
|Faster than greased lightnin'.||As nosy as a pet 'coon.|
|If the Good Lord's willing and the creek don't rise.`||Don't let your mouth overload your butt|
|Fine as frog hair.||Workin' like a beaver.|
|Brown as a biscuit.||Tight as a bootjack.|
|Poor as a whippoorwill.||Happy as a hog wallowing in mud.|
|Empty as last year's birds's nest.||Hot as a fox in a forest fire.|
|Red as a pickled beet.||Old as Methuselah.(in case you forget your Bible larnin',he lived to be 900)|
|Mad as a hornet.||Slow as molasses.|
|Happy as a 'coon on a log.||Rare as hen's teeth.|
|Snorin' like sawin' logs.||Like a bird let out of its cage.|
|Fightin' like two cats with their tails tied.||Like an airplane needs mudflaps.|
|Has eyes like a hootowl.||Big enough to go bear huntin' with a switch|
he could skin a gnat and use
its skin for tallow.
|So cold you have to jump-start your beagles.|
|Like swattin' a fly with a cannon.||So buck-toothed he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.|
a fish so big,the picture
weighed two pounds.
|He was so windy,he could blow up an onion sack.(talks a lot)|
porch light is on,but nobody's
|Poor as Job's turkey.|
|Smells like a wet chicken.||Like a cat lickin' a grindstone.|
|Like drivin' nails in your own coffin.||Like the old lady wettin' in the ocean--every little bit counts.|
|He's a silver tongued devil.||A shadow of his old self.|
|Put your mouth in motion before your brain is in gear.||A dog that will bring a bone will take a bone.|
|Get your ducks all in a row.||Either lead,follow or get out of the way.|
|Little pitchers have big ears.||The proof is in the pudding.|
|Old fishermen never die,they just smell that way.||You stole my thunder.(took credit for)|
|Walkin' ain't crowded.||How do you like them apples?|
|Speakin' of the devil (someone appears that you were talking about)||A wink is the same as a nod to a blind horse.|
|One thing about bein' bald-it's neat.||Someone else has been shuckin' my corn.|
|The coffee was so hot,it must have been boiled twice.||Do it by hook or crook.|
|A watched pot never boils.||He looked like ugly warmed over.|
|So poor you get married for the rice.||So slow it takes an hour to boil Minute rice.|
|He ain't even got walkin' around sense.||He had his tail tucked between his legs.|
|He's head hog at the trough.||Does a bear too-too in the woods?(I wouldn't know--never followed a bear mahsef)|
|When pigs fly.||He didn't
have nuthin' under
his hat but hair.
as shy of brains as
a terrapin is of feathers.
as crazy as popcorn on
a hot stove.
tell skunks from
so mean, he'd fight
a rattler and give him the
so crooked, he could
swaller nails an' spit out
|One can short of a six-pack.|
|One french fry short of a Happy Meal.||The elevator is stuck between floors.|
|One wave short of a shipwreck||Not the brightest light on the porch.|
is an old expression when you like something real well : "gooder'n
better'n taters (from Diane
of Pennsylvania) 4/1/99
|This'll jar your preserves.(to rattle somebody)|
|If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.||He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.|
|I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit.||It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.|
|Cute as a sack full of puppies.||Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said'To be continued'.|
Contributions by good folks
Mon, 29 Jan 2001
I have been checking out
site and thought you would like some more sayings. This is just a bunch
of hillbilly sayin's we were able to gather,
so here goes...
oughter do - should do
fer - for
worsh - wash
wrench - rinse
er - or
purt nigh -near
higher'n a kite- drunk
when it ain't rain'n the roof don't leak
harder 'n uh shell bark hickory- very hard
uglier 'n homemade sin
wilder 'n a buck -really wild
meaner 'n uh stripped snake
flatter 'n a flitter -flat
loaded to the gills- drunk
like a fish out of water-agitated or out of place
greener than goose-poop
cussin a blue streak
slower than the seven year itch
too lazy to shake the
lice off his back
Just thought you might
a kick" out of these.
By the way, I am Jewell Burke's grandson, Sammy Brooks. I really enjoyed your website.
Sun, 6 Aug 2000
From: scott stewart
I just surfed into your
site on hillbilly talk,and I really enjoyed it. Here is a good
phrase you might want to add to it: "Gitcha sum
smarts!" Thanks for the great site...
Date: Mon, 3 Jul 2000
I thought of a couple of the ways the southern people used to talk.
One is "Yore as purtee(pretty) as a speckled puppy under a red wagon".
Instead of saying idea,
was idear. I am only guessing at the spelling of
this word "watta" for water. Instead of hour it would be "houver". Flour
would be "flouver"
My mom had a funny
I used to have styes all the time on my eyes.
She used to say "go to the cross roads and say stye stye go away, go to the next person that passes by."
Another way instead of reached down and picked it up,it was retched down. When we were warm she would say "snug as a bug in a rug."
your pages. I noticed you not havin some of the sayins Iheard
up, so Iwould like to send just a few to you and see what you
My family and I was raised in the NE GA, SC blue ridge mountains.Well,
thats it for now.....just wanted ta share with ya.
Welbar= wheel barrow
Scoot or poot, but don't poot = meanin move over.
Finer than a redheaded stepchild = meanin she's purty
Taste so good you'll slap your momma = meaning its some fine tastin food.
I ate so much I feel like a ol porch dog = meaning I'm so full Idun got lazy.
He's as old as dirt = meaning he's very old.
He's a waste of good skin = meaning he's no good.
He's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him = dang dats ugly
When ya got a itch ya needed scratched instead of saying scratch it.....we always said..I got a itch I need ya ta itch.
joke my popa use to tell me:
popa: know how to catch the best fish?
me: no, how?
popa: you sprinkle some peas on top da water.
popa: yep. when day (meaning they) come up to take a pee ya bop dem ( meaning them) on tha head with a club
you Cindy for adding to my collection.It really is appreciated.
Sent by Aldene,shared by Doris.Thank you ladies.
1. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
2. "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
3. "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
4. "Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed."
5. "She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
6. "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
7. "My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."
8. "Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."
9. "He's as country as cornflakes."
10. "This is gooder'n grits."
11. "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
12. "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me
is an old expression when you like something real well (like this
site): "gooder'n salad; better'n taters!" And, because I have Irish genes, I will share my favorite pub toast with you: "May those that love us, love us And those that don't love us... May God turn their hearts; And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles, So we'll know them by their limping!" Here's to ya!
I love it,Diane.Thanks!
|idjuts--younguns||litluns--little ones as in younguns|
|Spacial--special||ohnt no--I don't know|
|over yonder-not here||air ya go--There you go; good deal!|
|nut huh--No way!||Werr a going--we are going|
|Ain't got no--Don't have any||gimmie--give me|
|'at--that||I'm a gonna--I am going to|
|lookie--Look at this||looka here--Now, see here.|
|Does a chicken have lips?||maters & taters--tomatoes and potatoes|
|winders--windows||hawg--hog or motorcycyle|
|buck nekit--completely nude.||alpples--apples|
|whatsit-what is it.||share--shower|
|urine--not mine||hockey--Requires a long trip to the outhouse|
as in "Ell, I'll be." Unless, preceding the word 'yes' Then it
means hell, as in "ell yes".
|goodin'-- good on|
|Him--That man; hem, as in a garments edge; hymn, church song.||Airs-- Ours and Hours|
|An old saying: I'd have to git better to die.||Weather:
Dawg days, Indin summer, Red bud weather. "The leaves
on the trees are turned over, so it's a gonna rain".
a piece on what I make of road signs:
And what do ya make of roadsigns? I can't ever get the one that says 'yield' understood. When I see 'yield' I think of a recipe book. When I bake cookies it says the recipe will 'yield' 2 or 3 dozen. Does that mean if pass the 'yield' sign on the highway my car will give me 2 or 3 dozen
And that other sign that says "slow children playing". Does that mean that the children there playing are 'slow' as in a little touched, or they are two slow to dodge the cars and need to speed up?
My husband says it is a good thing that I don't drive.
Above entries submitted By Debbie Clarkston, a former Kaintuckian.
"Hiyamac"- Hi ya Mac
"Binearlong?"-Been here long
"Coplours"-Couple of hours
"Goddafew"-Got a few
"Kindarthay?"-What kind were they
"Bassencarp"-bass and carp
"Ennysizetoom"-Any size to them
"Couplapowns"-Couple of pounds
"Sordalike"-Sort of like
"Wahchoozin?"-What are you using
"Gobbawurms"-A gob of worms
"fishanonaboddum? -Fishing on the bottom
"Rydononaboddum" --Right on the bottom
"Whatchadrinkin?"-What are you drinking
"Jugagimbeam"-A jug of Jim Beam
"Igoddago"-I've got to go
"Seeyaroun"-See you around
"Yeahtakideezy"-Yeah, you take it easy.
|Biscuits & gravy--Doesn't get any better than this.|
|Finer an frog hair--very fine.|
|Fuller n' a tick-- Can't hold any more|
above posts are submitted by Reford Dingess,
Jr., a former West Virginia Mountainman.Thanks!!!
love your page. Made me feel right at home the first time I
one mistake........in the 'When Fishermen Meet'
Wahchoozin --- What are you using?
Gobbawurms --- should be Catabaw worms (these are
fuzzy caterpillars that live in Catabaw trees and are used for fishing,
especially when fishing for Carp, Bass and Crappie - in Alabama that is
pronounced 'croppie' but in Georgia it is pronounced 'crappy'). Just
thought you'd like to know.
up the great page, it is priceless!!
Thank you ,Vee.We love it when visitors help us out.06/20/99
just the stuff we breathe, but also stands for 'our' and 'hour'
cornin' ware-corn husks
leader--what ma does to the mare when she guides it by the reins.
oner tother--one or the other.
skeerdy cat--someone who is afraid
an English term!!) As in - 'Son, turn the television on to cannel
trailer--What the mare does when ma is doing the above.
Warsh--what you do to the laundry
DINGESS JR./ DEBRA CLARKSTON
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his
and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember,"
said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm
The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter,kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used
container is full. Instead of taking it back to
O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace
plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$200 Impound and towing fee
1. 4 concrete blocks and a door make a good coffee table.
Total Guide to Redneck Housekeeping
2. Milk crates make good bookcases.
3. Dishwashing soap can double for laundry detergent/shampoo.
4. Bubblegum makes good ceramic tile glue.
5. Duct tape and garbage bags make an effective window replacement.
6. Don't drive nails in ceramic tile, just let the towel drop. It will absorb excess water if you are missing a shower curtain.
finger and some baking powder make an effective replacement for
8. Air freshener can double as deodorant.
9. Vaseline can substitute household oil lubricants for those squeaky doors.
10. When your only towel is too dirty, curtains will do. (just make sure you have shut the blinds.)
11. Bed sheets will work as curtains.
12. You can survive on Rice-a-roni and Macaroni & Cheese for under $40.00 a month.
13. Not only are candles romantic, they can temporarily replace your light source for those unforeseen power outages (like when you blew the utility money on beer.)
14. Duct tape is effective for removing lint from your suit.
15. Staples can supplant buttons on your shirt.
16. You never have to wash paper plates or plastic cutlery.
17. Empty beer cans make good ashtrays. (Full ones work good too, if you hate the person who's about to drink from it.)
18. In states where they offer a deposit, empty beer bottles means more beer money.
19. 'Cheeto's' is not only one of the 4 main food groups, it also meets many of the Recommended Daily Allowances for many vitamins and minerals.
20. Nintendo is a viable alternative to employment.
21. Spit and a shirt sleeve equates to a disinfectant and a band-aid.
22. Automotive Body Filler (Bondo) makes good wall plaster for those minor home repairs which are required after one of *those* parties.
23. Lamps do not require lamp shades.
24. Sleeping bags do not have to be "made" every morning.
25. That rear view mirror that fell out of your car last month can replace the one your friends broke in the bathroom last night. (A necessity for shaving with that Epilady *tm shaver.)
26. Provided you handle them right, the police can show up 3 times at your party before someone is arrested.
27. Domino's won't deliver if there's a freshly butchered carcass of a cow on your lawn.
28. Never answering the phone means never having to say you're sorry.
29. Never answering the door means never meeting anyone.
30. Scotch is a good disinfectant for those nasty cuts from flying bottles.
31. Empty beer bottles make good sedatives for those *surly* partygoers.
32. Shop vacs and a good water heater can imitate a carpet steam cleaner.
33. Soap film and hair (in sufficient quantity,) can act as drain plug to replace the one your friend swallowed on a dare.
34. By the time your carpet needs cleaning, it's time to throw it out. (Be sure to harvest the mushrooms first.)
35. Couches don't have to have all the cushions to be functional.
36. Bic lighters can roast a marshmallow. They get mighty hot, though.
37. Washcloths make good coasters. (For the "good" furniture.)
38. Towels make good mops. (No need to scrub, just sort of push it around on the floor with your foot.)
39. Gasoline and matches are not party favors.
40. Shirt sleeves can double as oven mitts. (Although, you should avoid using an oven at all cost.)
41. Spray paint can cover up those unsightly cigarette burns on your countertops.
42. When you mistake a head of lettuce for a lime, it's time to clean out (or throw away) the refrigerator.
43. Catsup, Mustard, and Salsa are the only condiments you'll need.
44. Wallpaper is a waste. Sheets, rugs, and posters are better investments, and easier to hang.
45. Christmas Tree Lights arranged in cool designs equate wall art.
46. Strobe lights can be used in the bathroom.
47. Don't let any of your party guests drink the contents of your lava lamp.
48. Don't try to use a household vacuum cleaner to clean up that oil spill in your garage. If you don't have a shop vac, just forget about it.
iron is like a car with the keys in the ignition. It shouldn't be left
unattended for any length of time.
50. Clorox should not be used to whiten teeth. If looks are that important, go see a dentist.
51. It is perfectly reasonable to spend more on your home entertainment system than on all the rest of your apartment's furnishings combined. (Including your car.)
52. If your pillows don't have pillowcases, you don't need to wash them.
53. You can run seven appliances off the same outlet, provided you have enough extension cords.
54. 30 Gallon plastic trash cans make good laundry hampers.
55. When the time come and you are forced by friends to do your laundry, make sure to lump the clean pile and the dirty pile together, (odds are there are enough cookie, pizza, and pretzel crumbs in both to make washing necessary) and then sort by smell.
56. The three types of laundry are: "Smells clean enough to wear one more time,""Eek, this one needs a bath!" and "Ohmygawd, throw it AWAY!"
mornings, it's acceptable to clip your toenails into last Monday's cheerios. (discard clippings, then throw away the bowl, too.)
58. When your celery starts to look like a month old seaweed, quickly search for signs of intelligent life. If you notice a response, notify your nearest biological lab. If no intelligence is evident, you can throw it away.
59. It's perfectly okay to buy vegetables and keep them hostage until they are dead. (Of course, you shouldn't eat them.)
60. Trash removal is a lot easier/cheaper if you just throw it in your neighbor's yard.
61. McDonald's Special Sauce Secret Ingredients: Thousand Island salad dressing. Impress your friends with your gustatory expertise. Especially effective with Bachelor's Breakfast; Bologna and cheese on green bread.
62. Mouldy orange juice will either get you drunk, or kill you. (It would make a good experiment for a biology lab, don't you think? Or perhaps just reserve it for those rats who keep waking you up at night.)
63. Goldfish do not like beer, nor cigarettes.
64. If you find bits of food on the floor, it's perfectly acceptable to eat it if nobody sees you. (But you should at least be able to identify what type of food it is, first.)
65. If you're running short on clean(ish) clothes, underwear and socks are optional.
66. Do not try to make french toast, an omelet, or grilled cheese in a toaster.
67. The oven can double as a clothes dryer in a pinch. (Also, the microwave can work for those last minute situations, provided there are no metal buttons or zippers.)
68. If any religious zealots show up on your doorstep, answer the door in your underwear, carry a bottle of Jack Daniels and offer them a beer and a hooker.
because it says "Milk" on the label, Phillips Milk of Magnesia is no
substitute for real milk on your cornflakes.
70. That white chunky stuff floating at the top of your milk container is not cottage cheese. Don't try to use it on your microwave lasagna.
71. Do not use your waffle iron to press your clothes or iron patches on.
72. In the unlikely event that those "M-80's" shatter your toilet, it can be stuck back together with automotive windshield silicone sealant.
73. Beer is a good fire extinguisher. Pure Grain Alcohol isn't.
74. Certain types of pizza are still edible after 5 days, even if stored at room temperature.
75. Food dropped on the floor can still be eaten, provided you pick all the hair and lint off it first. (Blowing on it helps scare the germs away.)
76. Peanut butter kills the mold on bread. If your loaf went bad, stuff yourself.
77. M&M's add color to faded carpet. Just grind them in with the heel of your foot. (Corn chips can provide a good balance to them.)
78. Cigarette butts and broken beer bottles are desirable lawn ornaments.
79. Contrary to what you see in the movies, telephones won't work from the bottom of fish tanks.
80. Street signs are good wall hangings.
81. Fly strips turn ordinary paper into post-it notes on the refrigerator.
82. Do not use thumbtacks or nails to stick things to your fridge.
83. All broken chairs must have at least two legs to maintain balance. (If you have a chair with only two legs, you have to keep it propped against the wall for it to
Motels can be tax write off. (Home improvements/real estate
85. You cannot get drunk from red wine vinegar.
86. Keep a bucket handy for those party guests who can't handle their alcohol, if you have any furnishings you care about.
87. Five minutes for a clean house: Use a garden hose. (you'll need a good spray nozzle for this.)
88. The bathtub is a good place to clean dirty engine parts.
89. If, for any reason, the dog is on fire, put it out. (Fire can spread quickly if you let the dog wander around the house.)
90. Pouring liquid down the back of a television is a bad idea. Express this to any guests you have.
91. If you have a bf/gf you really want to impress, offer them a seat. Scrape the crust off first
92. Duct tape can repair almost any damage done to a beanbag chair, save complete immolation, or an accident involving a chainsaw.
93. Chainsaws are not considered "common household implements."
94. Corn starch will not put a crease in your shirts.
95. When you find that bone-dry, 2 month old burrito in the bottom of the couch (when searching for beer money,) you can soak it for 20 minutes to restore freshness. (If it's older than that, it will *dissolve*.)
96. If you've ran out of dog food, don't fill his bowl with cheap salsa. (You will need a garden hose to clean the house if you do.)
97. If you haven't placed new hinges on your front door after that party incident with the police, you can block unauthorized entry with a wedged two-by four under the doorknob.
98. For security, you can park your motorcycle in the house. Just don't fall asleep when it is running.
99. Do not try to remove facial hair with an epilady. (Rather, try one out at the mall on some arm hair to see what it's like. Bring extra cash to pay for the display case you'll throw it through)
100. If pressed for time, you can shave, brush your teeth and wash your hair while showering. (Don't try to blow dry your hair, though.)
101. Don't hide your girly mags under the seat cushion of the sofa. This is the first place your gf will look.
102. If your medicine cabinet contains more than 1 box of unused floss, one bottle of aspirin and cough syrup which expired in 1983, empty it immediately.
103. There's no law saying that the socks you're wearing have to match. They may match two socks in your dresser, but even this is merely a fashion suggestion.
104. You must immediately buy every kind of kitchen cleaner known to man. Place them in the cabinet under the sink. Never touch them again.
Keep your CD collection spotless. An hourly cleaning schedule is not
unreasonable. Ignore the rest of the house.
106. If, for some reason, your walls have water stains, hang empty picture frames over them. For authenticity, scribble fictitious signature below. (Brag about how well they go with the room.)
107. Replace all the light bulbs in your apartment with multi-colored party bulbs.(These work particularly well with christmas tree lights.)
108. Find and steal: "This Property is Condemned by the State of ____, do not Enter" sign. Nail to your front door. ( "Police Line--- do not Cross" tapes are good too.)
109. Do not freeze your lettuce to preserve freshness.
|ANTIBODY -against everyone||ARTERY --the study of fine paintings|
|BACTERIA -back door to a cafeteria||BANDAGES -The Rolling Stones|
|BARIUM -what you do when CPR fails||BENIGN -what you be after you be eight|
|BOTULISM -tendency to make mistakes||BOWEL -letters like A, E, I, O, or U|
|CAESAREAN SECTION -a district in Rome||CARDIOLOGY -advanced study of poker playing|
|CAT SCAN -searching for ones lost kitty||CAUTERIZE-made eye contact with her|
|COLIC -a sheep dog||COMA -a punctuation mark|
|CONGENITAL -friendly||CORTIZONE -the local courthouse|
|D & C -where Washington is||DILATE -to live longer|
|ENEMA -not a friend||ENTERITIS -a penchant for burglary|
|ER -the things on your head that you hear with||FESTER -quicker|
|FIBRILLATE -to tell lies||G.I. SERIES -baseball games between teams of soldiers|
|GENES -blue denim slacks||GENITAL -non-Jewish|
|GRIPPE -what you do to a suitcase||HANGNAIL -a coathook|
|HEMORRHOID -a male from outer space||HERPES -what women do in the Ladies Room|
|HORMONES -what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid||ICU -peek-a-boo|
|IMPOTENT -distinguished, well known||INPATIENT -tired of waiting|
|LABOR PAIN -hurt at work||MEDICAL STAFF -a doctor's cane|
|MINOR OPERATION -somebody else's||MORBID -a higher offer|
|NITRATE -lower than day rate||NODE -was aware of|
|ORGAN TRANSPLANT -what you do to your piano when you move||ORGANIC -church musician|
|OUTPATIENT -a person who has fainted||PARALYZE -two far-fetched stories|
|PATHOLOGICAL -a reasonable way to go||PHARMACIST -person who makes a living dealing in agriculture|
|PLASTER CAST -the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert||POST-OPERATIVE -a letter carrier|
|PROTEIN -in favor of young people||RECOVERY ROOM -place to upholster furniture|
|RECTUM -what happened to the Corvette||RED BLOOD COUNT -Dracula|
|RHEUMATIC -amorous||SALINE -where you go on your boyfriend's boat|
|SECRETION -hiding anything||SEROLOGY -study of English knighthood|
|SURGERY -a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply||STERILE SOLUTION -not using the elevator during a fire|
|TABLET -a small table||TERMINAL ILLNESS -getting sick at the airport|
|TIBIA -country in North Africa||TRIPLE BYPASS -better than a quarterback sneak|
|TUMOR -an extra pair||URINE -opposite of "you're out"|
|VARICOSE -very close||VEIN -conceited|
You might be a Redneck if ...
ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.
There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
You have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table.
You think paprika is a Third World country.
You ask the preacher, "How's it hanging?"
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You have a bumper sticker that says, "My mother's an honor student" at the local junior high.
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
You played the banjo in your high school band.
The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.
You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed your hunting dogs.
You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
Your mother doesn't put on shoes to go grocery shopping.
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school
You've ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley.
You honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
Anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You've ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.
Your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.
You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire
estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas? Nice tooth!
you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call
the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at
the front desk says "go ahead."
you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains
on both sides of his pickup truck.
hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West
Virginia to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
do they call "Hee Haw" in Arkansas? A documentary.
What do they call it in Kentucky?"Life Styles of the Rich and Famous."
rednecks does it take eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat, and one
to watch for cars.
God invent armadillos?
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell.
Rednecks go fishing
Two rednecks go on a
trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels,
the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the
woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow!
it's a good thing we didn't catch any